Musings of Tomorrow: "Escape Prying Eyes"

When I think about tomorrow, I tremble.

Its not unanticipated, but I'm still taken by surprise every time. Considering that today is hardly within my reach, tomorrow seems even more so like a slumbering shadow of knotted doubt than an approachable plateau of opportunity. Of course, as tomorrow transitions as the days have a habit to do, and the twilight gives way to dawn, tomorrow proves to be a tangible place to exist.

I may not be well prepared to stand and face the trials and perils of another day, but when I stop and consider it, to realize that I have the strength to stand at all is an accomplishment of its own.

I can't pretend that I can fathom what wonders and tribulations are conealed beneath the endless stretch of tomorrow. In fact, I can't even know for sure whether tomorrow will even come. Perhaps the universal individual consensus of understanding which we refer to as life, our tangible conscious presence, were to cease to exist as the light drew away. There was no pain, no regret, no sorrow. Not a single breathing creature would even register its happening. You would simply become nothing, nothing at all. And there was no warning. No great sign to be interpreted from the movements of our vast space of glittering stars. No premonition gifted to the souls of the righteously clairvoyant. No message, no word, no prophet. It merely happened, and that was that.

Not that I hold deep belief that such an event will or would ever take place in our time, in this place. This may never be a reality. But I have not the celestial power to say whether it will with all the damnation of a godly spirit, or that it won't with the vice of an unholy wraith.

That knowledge is beyond me. To say it simply, I just don't know.

It gives me small comfort to know that my experience has taught me thus far that just as the sun sets every evening, a dawn ushers in the stark biting lightness of a new day. And so I have learned to expect each day to give birth to another, and another after that.

And so, even with a truth that seems so simple, uncertainty can lie indefinitely below the surface of my so-called "knowledge," waiting to suffocate my arrogance with the brutal grip of reality. The day that there is no tomorrow, my reality is broken.

Contemplating the day ahead of me in this way prods my mind into a sort of aching stupor, one from which it is difficult to escape. Knowing this, I try to keep the concept of "tomorrow" as it concerns my day to day life as watered down as my mind will allow. I envision it as the perfect, sheer numbered square of a calendar, or better yet, the rich, textured ink markings of the date itself. The movements required to write these numbers feel like tomorrow at its barest essence. Sometimes I have a habit of treating tomorrow as a to do list of sorts, a series of planned events. Unfortunately, the problem with this concept is that by "Planned events", I mean "a certain series of tasks you intend to see carried out, but very well may not occur at all and over which you may have little or no control."

I try not to think about the future much. If I delve too deeply, I am set back by all the little, insignificant things. Details, details, details.

***

I intended to spend this time writing about my personal concerns for the future, so that perhaps you all could have a deeper, clear understanding of my life and how I feel about and view the world around me. You see, often I feel that I have little control over the future ahead of me, as I'm sure we all have felt at one time or another. And, well, that is not untrue. I have no control whatsoever over what will or will not happen tomorrow. I CAN control how I choose to interpret, understand, experience, and react to  these circumstances, however. And THAT is what will impact the person I am to become.

As you can see, that's not quite what happened, as I got so wound up in such a small aspect of the concept I was pondering that I failed to move on. Perhaps we'll go a little deeper with this subject next time, or perhaps I'll continue the topic in a later entry.

Feel free to comment on my technique, grammar, or topic. Suggestions for future entries will be taken into considertion. I wouldn't be opposed to answering questions with blog entires either. In all honesty, I want to hear from you. Send me a tweet, leave me a comment on facebook,  whatever works. My main goal here is to express my thoughts, experiences and wonderings. Even if you don't agree, start a conversation, politely of course. We as human beings learn from each other as much or more so than we do from ourselves. Don't be afraid to share your own experiences, say what's on your mind, to make a connection. We are all human. We all make mistakes, and we all strive to better ourselves. 

This drawing expresses and exalts my frustrations with that which is out of my control. 

I challenge you to create or find a representation of that which you struggle against, but cannot be seen. Tweet a link with #KrystalDawnBlog, and I'll retweet my faves.

Sincerely, Krystal Dawn

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