August 26, 2013

Patience: Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

Its as though I'm sitting on a seashore, my knees pulled up to my chest, my arms hugging my legs, my eyes fixated on the foamy crescendo of crests upon ocean waves. Its cool, almost chilly. The heavens are spread above me like an open book, an upside down and topsy turvy portrait of gray calamity and ebony passion. There's sand in the rolled up cuffs of my too long faded denim jeans, but I'm either not bothered or don't notice this small travesty. Crisp, biting flecks of water sear my cheeks, but I continue to stare. I continue to wait. I watch the waves grow, like blazing cobalt fires, as they stretch towards the skies, only to be toppled into an ocean of cold soot and wet embers.

Its as though I've spent my whole life waiting. And as I long for the water's caress, I realize that the waves will never reach me. I must go to them.

All good thing's come with time. Or perhaps with the tide, rather. But I didn't know it was coming. I overlooked the simple reality of life.

And so I stood, the wind crying through my hair, its tears the rain caught upon my cheeks. And then I ran. My arms outstretched, I ran to the water's edge. For a moment, just a moment, I hesitated.

It was a moment too long.

Biting and snarling, the waves clutched at me and all at once I was not a confident, ambitious woman dreaming dreams beyond her stature and place in the society, but was once again a little girl, realizing for the first time that the world was very, very scary place, much larger than I.

A place in which I was not welcome.

And I was thrilled, terrified, and enthralled by the proud anger of the ocean as it embraced me in its violent malice. It was beyond my control. I was prisoner to the demands placed before me, my small life a delicate ornament between its crushing palms.

I took the liberty of describing to you how I'm feeling at the moment. All I can really do is live my life one day at a time, and watch for the prophesied tide. What I really want, however, is to see who I will be, to become that person now, to reach up and touch the future. I can practically feel it. Taste it. I'm so close...And yet, if I don't wait and let my destiny unfold at its own sweet, sincere pace, I will most certainly be swept away in my impatience by the disastrous waves of fate. I'd be left with nothing. Nothing at all.
***
As the summer's been winding down, I find myself looking forward to fall, and am not quite sure what it is I'm actually looking for or at. I've decided to take a year off from my studies to just exist, and become at ease with who I am. I need this time to start afresh, and get back on track with my life. I've decided that I do need a professional level art education, but I'm just not going to get that at my community college. I want to be surrounded by inspiration and culture, variety and diversity. Its a story I don't feel like sharing today, but essentially, the school just wasn't a good fit. If I hadn't had scholarship money that would've gone to waste, I wouldn't have bothered with attempting to attend school after such a big let down anyways.

Last summer I received my acceptance letter to a private art university in Washington, and I thought the hard part was over. I was wrong. Even close to $20,000 in scholarship money didn't bring me any closer to my dream school. I might as well have received none at all. 4 years of stress, putting my eduation first, good attendance and great grades in high school added up to nothing. I spent the past year instead struggling with who I am and what direction I'm moving towards. I fumbled through some college courses, but could barely keep up with what was right in front of me. I'm only just now beginning to feel like the schooling lapse is behind me, and that I can look ahead without shame to a better place where I make my own opportunities.

For a while there, I felt quite truthfully like tomorrow was consistently set in stone: an inevitable dread that I anxiously awaited with a very tangible fear and an ever-present nauseating knot of regret. Now I clearly see that tomorrow will be what I make of it. I'm still afraid. But I'll face it courageously, head on, and embrace it when it comes.

Anyways, Ghostbusters. What else can I say? This was a collage I made as a birthday present for my dad, and was in fact the first collage of this kind I had ever made. I had experimented with collage type elements before, as I find it to be an extremely versatile and forgiving medium. Considering the final product, the process is actually quite simple and dare I say it, "easy". It is also very time-consuming, I'll have you know.  Using magazine scraps adds a very real texture to the work, bringing it a special sort of life different from making a collage out of carefully prepared painted strips of paper.

We're all geeks in my family, my dad quite possibly serving as the core of our nerdy fan family. His obsession? 80's movies, toys, and graded comic books. I help him run an online ebay store where we sell Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Ghostbusters action figures and merchandise. He's usually saves the best for his own personal collection of course, and has shelves upon shelves of action figures and toys conveniently located in the "man cave". Ghostbusters is one of his all time favorite 80's era movies, right up there with the Back to the Future trilogy and Weird Science. I really wanted to do something special for him, and this project seemed like a perfect fit.

On another note, I've been considering the possibility of starting a YouTube channel, through which I'll post DIY craft and art tutorials, letsplays, vlog entries, video game, comic book or art reviews and whatever else may strike my fancy. Or whatever it is my community of supporters want to see. Its possible I may do a tutorial or perhaps "speed paint" of how I make one of these collages so you can see the behind the scenes work that goes into making a piece like this. As of the moment, my plan is to wait on the YouTube channel until I have acquired a significant number of followers, specifically, 10,000 (some arbitrary number I threw out that seemed like a decent following). So unless there is some sudden unexpected push for me to start uploading videos before I reach that milestone, its something that we'll all have to wait for.

Which reminds me, I have more than 1,500 followers on Twitter! It feels like just yesterday I was applauding 100. As long as I have ideas, things to say and art to create, I shall continue sharing my artistic vision with the world. And as long you're there to support me, I have no reason to give up. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Sincerely, and wishing you the best of luck, Krystal Dawn



Facebook: Krystal Dawn
Twitter: KrystalDawnArt
DeviantART: kekei94

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